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Hopeless Romantic: My emotional attachment mistakes in the world of ‘singledom’

Written and Presented by Miguel Hernandez

I’m feeling kind of dumb and stupid. As single guy, it seems that all my issues of unhappiness stem from projecting my “happiness” onto the shoulders of another person (specifically, an attractive stranger) thinking that one day there will be happiness. I blame my gender: We men can never get past this unhealthiness of projecting our romanticism and false illusions of happiness and hope onto the beautiful women that pass us by daily – especially if you find yourself feeling incredibly lonely at times, then it feels like: “If only I can get that beautiful girl then everything will ok. She’s the answer.” *sighs* We love to project these false illusions of happiness onto them. We would like to believe that they are going to cure us of our loneliness, insecurities, and self-doubt women must be the answer we stupidly believe.

Love cures all

I genuinely believe that men get the short end of the stick when it comes to dating (most of the time) and experience these feelings because we men are the more romantic gender. We are the hunters, yet women have all the cards in their favor because they have the final say! They are more selective. It makes sense! Just leave it to the lonely guy (who remedies his feelings of loneliness with a boatload of alcohol in order to numb feelings away) to tell you!! It’s all because we falsely believe that women will cure us of all our unhappiness – placing them on this magical-beautiful pedestal. Our goddesses will save us! I feel stupid because this is something that I have struggled with in the past. Overtime, I’ve gotten much better, but from time to time the feeling of desperation creeps up. It’s like I want her to save me from my own misery and I feel incredibly stupid for that. Falling for the same trap time and time again. It’s the curse of man – his biggest weakness: a beautiful attractive female to sooth the shittyness of his life. Then after come the flowers and then the roses… If only women knew of the such tragedy, that has plagued men since the dawn of humanity (many have died from alcohol poisoning of the heartbreak itself). I felt stupid for failing to have the self-awareness and being able recognize this unhealthy pattern of (basically) just placing my happiness onto the shoulders of some cute stranger sitting across from me. It’s good to laugh, it’s good to smile, but I feel since we men are visual creatures by nature: we fall into this trap frequently (Women? They must feel something first before any one of us even gets a chance to get our name across to her). So we become seduced because the loneliness: it’s an anchor of pain waiting to dock. We become enticed by the visual stimuli around us: that it’s becomes easy to fall into this trap – even easier to become pray for exploitative women: who like to prey on vulnerable men (emotionally), but that’s another discussion.

I’ve taken measures to take control of my happiness (but you know what the say ‘bad habits die hard’). Adding to that, men tend to project into the future because we like to visualize how our imagined future would be much better and much happier with our one and only. But we must recognize that the other person we are imagining and placing on this ‘magical pedestal’ is a person with their own fears, desires, insecurities. They have their own map of the world independent of your’s. I love to write, because it helps me put things into perspective, and my writing is an indicator of how much I’ve progressed: from where I am to where I need to be: to become the type of man I know I can become.

See her as she really is.

See her as the flawed goddess: with all her imperfections because nobody is perfect, but If she can complement your life, then the aim isn’t to find Ms. Perfect: the aim is to find the person who can complement your idea of the perfect life.

Two imperfect lovers, riding of into the sunset, heading to their perfect destination: Creating a perfect world for each other.

Because with all the stunted perceptions of reality we have (i.e social media) the most perfect idea is knowing WHO you want and WHAT you want.

—- MH

P.S To any woman out there that I may have blamed and made responsible for my unhappy life: I apologize from the bottom of my heart. It’s my responsibility and my own life that I must fix before I can even fathom of bringing you into my world.

I apologize for making you the scapegoat of this unhappy novella that I call life.

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