Written and presented by Miguel A. Hernandez
5 Contestants. All your wildest fantasies met. One island. Kind of sounds like the Netflix Documentary Fyre Festival (in a way it is if you watch the movie, lol.)
A Brief Spoiler Discussion.
What a god awful movie, omg!
Allow me a brief minute, I will try to paint a picture of what I experienced at my nearby cinema. Yes, I went to go watch it on valentine’s day and my theatre was packed. You could see it all from where I was sitting: the couples from both corners of the room clutching their hands. Singles were trying to anxiously hide behind their popcorn or sit with a large group to avoid the shame of being single on Valentine’s Day (I was one, lol). Kids. well, the kids were kids… Every saint and devil and every church goer and community activist were in attendance for this premiere. The love was in the air, the expectation rose high, and after the final trailer crept it’s way back into the projector – the crowd was finally ready to take in this experience. People were excited for this film.
I can tell you that from watching the trailer, conceptually, it looked like an amazing horror thriller and I feel it had so much potential!The potential for this movie was so gold and so pure!
I was so encapsulated with the trailer at the thought that this film was going to give us a new creative spin (into having our darkest and profound fantasies satisfied) met with a new level of slasher, that it was going to elevate the audience to an altered state of bliss. Great on paper, great conceptually, terrible execution! I thought it was going to be a hedonistic paradise met with the unparalleled consequences of a serial killer’s insatiable fantasy for human flesh.
Boy, was I wrong..
it failed in it’s execution.
But this movie makes you want to throw your bongos at the wall and think why any sensible person would greenlight this after you finish watching it!?
The acting was terrible. Please don’t get me started with the performances – everybody down to the great Michael Pena appeared as a amateur in terms in performance. I want to throw the statement and say that I believe that Michael Pena was miscast. Still… Something about his character bothered me. I think that the character and the accent he was trying to blend into the character of Rourke was completely off… I’ve heard his character. He has a great natural diction in his voice, was it really necessary to have that necessary accent portrayed into that stupid character?
Everyone down to the waitstaff – I had issues with.
I actually enjoyed the character of the marine (who was the father of the cop), but beside him everybody else was miscast or gave terrible performances.
I feel like Rooker’s character was wasted and they could have used him better, but hey? Don’t expect anything great from these folks.
Very Cringy. Seriously, who wrote this?
I actually found a part of myself and found an undiscovered part of myself that had this unorthodox facial gestures whenever I wanted to laugh. At that point, it wasn’t even much of a laugh rather than some unexplored side of myself that I never knew was there as I burst out laughing from the terrible dialogue.
Let’s talk about the dialogue, I have never seen something so terrible with cringe worthy dialogue as much as this garbage.
I caught some social commentary as well. (Not sure if this is your cake, but the way the execute Is very terrible)
Hyper Bros, Am I right? Lol.
What is the tone?
What is the tone? Is this an action movie? A comedy? at times it felt like it wanted to be Indiana Jones, it also felt that it wanted to include a high sense of action into it? I must ask again: Who greenlight this disaster?
What is the tone here? Honestly it tries to go back between comedy and adventure, that the movie fails to ground itself in any one genre or one tone.
I think it’s fine to blend different genres into a film tonally, like An American Werewolf in Paris managed to pull off, but this film had more on it’s plate than it could handle.
Honestly what is this genre?
If we could flash ourselves into the future and we could look back and see what the downfall of film of was and what is that one movie that led to the downfall of film
I would point to my fingers fall off and till I’m blue in the face, that this was the movie that led to the downfall of film.
What is this?
This is a hilarious excuse for a horror movie and it’s at moments like these that make you wonder: who greenlit this garbage?
This movie doesn’t even know what it wants to be! is it an action movie? A comedy?A drama? A revenge mystery? a horror-thriller? At times it felt like it wanted to be like Indiana Jones during the second act some of the cast try to go on an adventure in order to find something to stop the island because they have to save everybody else from their fantasies and the island is trying to kill them.
The acting is terrible.
The writing is a joke
This movie is an embarassment.
2/10 – The only reason I would consider giving it a 2 is because of the beautiful concept of the Fantasy Island, the unpredictable decisions and the gorgeous location shots.
One benefit from the movie (if they would have executed it properly) would have been: is the underlying theme of ‘whatever one wishes for: it is never enough.’ Even with the biggest fantasy met, one is never content with and always seeks more. (I.e, take the Maggie Q’s character who had her little girl and even after she had her – it was not enough.)
Overall – save yourself the trouble and avoid this movie!